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lyrics

WHEATLEY

I am not a moron!





POTaDOS

Oh! Yes, you are! You’re the moron they built to make me an idiot!


WHEATLEY
Oh, really?




Don't you disrespect me, GlaDOS dear.
Don't be saying things you shouldn't mean.
This is my lab now, not your lab.
And I'm here running the whole machine.


TURRETS, CORES

He's here running the whole machine.


WHEATLEY

(spoken) There, you hear that?

(sung) This is how we're rolling.
Your body - now it's mine!
I really like it here - (to Chell) and thanks for that, love.
It's all goin' fine!
See, I see the future.
In it there's a lack of you.
I'll get her up and out, (spoken) ’cuz now I've got that clout
(sung) And there's nothing you can do.
I got turrets, I got fabbers, I have things I ain't even seen.
'Cuz I'm here running this whole machine.


TURRETS, CORES

He's here running the whole machine.

WHEATLEY
The lift, the lift, where can it be?
To get you out of this place with me.
The lift, the lift - ah, here we go.
I'll just send a message and make it so....
Now get in there, here's what we'll do.
I'll toss myself in there with you



(spoken) Eject right in there, dead easy.
We'll take it up; to the surface we'll go.
And leave these labs down here below.


(spoken) Wait a tick. If I eject myself, the facility might power down.
And then we'd be stuck in the lift, fifty meters off the floor, with no escape.
Come to think of it, why do we have to leave right now? It feels like we could use some... testing.


(sung) There are tests, there are tests, there are tests, you see...
And its you I want to do a bit of testing with me.
Now, on you three other cores, I don't want to waste my time.
You're always in my face!

(to Adventure) Your bragging makes me furious (Adventure: Hey!)
(to Fact) and most of your facts are spurious (Fact: Conquistadors are still here!)
(to Space) and you, you little nitwit, you just want to go to space.
No, in my future, no more you three - just me in firm control of this facility.

(spoken) Let's not leave just yet. No, not yet at all. Yessss...


Let's get testing!



TURRETS

Let's get testing!



WHEATLEY
Let's get tesssssting!
Power up the chambers!
Add in gels and dangers!


GLaDOS
You’re a moron!


WHEATLEY

Really?
A moron, a moron, a moron, you say?
Well, we'll see if that's true...
(spoken) Who's the one being punched through the floor?
(sung) Well, it isn't me, so it must... be... you! (laughs)
(shouted) Right through the floor! Who's the moron now!

credits

from Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical Cast Album, released March 13, 2015
Graeme Thompson as Wheatley
Fairlith Harvey as POTaDOS
Andrew Lynch as the Fact Core
With the Cores and Turrets

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Geekenders Vancouver, British Columbia

Geekenders creates geeky theatre and events in Vancouver, BC

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