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Jurassic Parody: The Musical Cast Recording

by Geekenders Theatricals

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1.
Miracle 05:48
BABY VELOCIRAPTOR 1 My daddy says I'm a miracle! BABY VELOCIRAPTOR 2 My daddy says I'm his special little guy! BABY VELOCIRAPTOR 3 I’m made of science BABY VELOCIRAPTOR 4 And I am a clone ALL BABY VELOCIRAPTORS They say I'm a breakthrough sent down from the sky GENNARO The investors say that they’re getting very concerned, They want an on­site inspection. You have to convince me in forty eight hours. Or they’ll pull your funding And, you’ll, be, done! ALL BABY VELOCIRAPTORS Their science says I'm a miracle, One look at my face, and it's plain to see. Ever since the day we hatched from artificial eggs, It's been plain we’re a change for paleontology! GENNARO Please understand this won’t be a fun vacation, How’s the stability of the park? The investors told ya, The risk is on their shoulders, They’ve sent me as their lawyer And I’ll shut you down! MULDOON One can hardly move for showoffs in science these days. It seems that they’re making dozens of these worth­ multi­millions these days "Safety" seems de rigueur. I tell them carnivores are carnivores; (aside) GO SHOOT HER, Is it is some modern miracle of genetics, That such vicious miracles don't scare them... the staff’s full of heretics. GENNARO, ARNOLD, WU John Hammond says it’s a miracle, They’ll look at the park, and we’ll all soon see. Ever since the day InGen thought that they should play God, It's been clear they’ve no fear and, well, I don’t quite agree! ARNOLD The day they said that they made velociraptors... I had never seen a live velociraptor I know if we quit, they’ll just go hire some real twits, But those velociraptors, don’t make me feel safe! DODGSON Don’t make eye contact, Nedry be real quiet and we’ll have a chat... NEDRY The role of secret agent here portrayed with such convincing hat. DODGSON God’s sake, Dennis, you’re a menace! NEDRY Real nice third class disguise, Dodgson DODGSON No names Nedry; use some caution! NEDRY We’ve got Dodgson DODGSON Nedry, come on! NEDRY Have you seen how no one cares? This has been fun, but let’s prepare. DODGSON Fine. NEDRY I’ll get your embryos, you get my million and we’re square. DODGSON Just please be useful. NEDRY I’ve got the coolant and­ DODGSON It’s crucial. NEDRY Could you be a little calmer for my sake? It’s gonna be a piece of cake! GRANT Their evolution’s a miracle One look at their bones, and it's plain to see. Ever since the day they lived, the cretaceous per’iod, It's been clear there's no peer for a predator like these! But even though they’re a miracle Our needed funding isn’t coming though it’s critical. ELLIE You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical. I know there’ll be a miracle, a miracle, that we couldn’t foresee! HAMMOND Dr. Grant, your passion for your work restores my faith in scientists. Each new dig site, a canvas yet unpainted This undiscovered world Fossilized violence Every life is unbelievably unlikely. The chance of evolution, Almost infinitely small. When I tell you this, you’ll need champagne, I admire your restraint, Pal’eontology’s a miracle! Miracle! ELLIE, GRANT We just have things booked up until the next quarter. And the other scientists won’t understand. Busier than you know about, We wish that we could help you out GRANT With your theme park ELLIE Consulting... GRANT This is just crossing a line! ELLIE Well it’s just our busy time, that’s all HAMMOND Miracle, miracle, a miracle; you’ll see it’s a miracle, Come with me, then you’ll see, soon it will make sense... You know, we’ve spared no expense (spoken) How about I fund your dig for a further three years? GENNARO Approval from us is unbelievably unlikely. DODGSON The chances of success are, almost infinitely small. ELLIE I guess we’ll be booking off some time! HAMMOND And still every single strand, every breakthrough is a miracle! Miracle! Miracle! ALL Everyone says it’s a miracle One look at the facts, and it's plain to see. Ever since the day InGen thought that they should play God, It's been plain there's a change for paleontology! John Hammond says it’s a miracle That they’re breaking science rules just like the Berlin Wall. You can’t be all cynical, ‘cause it's a truth empirical. This will be a miracle, a miracle, in paleontolo ...! MALCOLM (spoken) So you two dig up dinosaurs? ALL Gy!
2.
A-G-T 01:28
MR. DNA Let's start at the very beginning ­ a very good place to start. When you sing, you may start with Do Re Me, But when you clone, you begin with AGT. HAMMOND AGT? MR. DNA AGT. The first three bases just happen to be AGT. HAMMOND AGT. MR. DNA AGTCGTC... (spoken) Maybe I should make it easier for you. A, of course, for Adenine T, for Thymine as its pair C, of course, for Cytosine And G, for Guanine as is fair First, mosquitoes, like today Bit some dinosaurs back then Thus, we extract DNA And we sequence it and then, oh then, it's... A, to start a T-­rex code C, velociraptor's claws G, it's swell to make a clone T, and play with nature's laws...
3.
HAMMOND Now you see what we have done ­, A dino park, won’t that be fun? Think of all that lies ahead, All these creatures once were dead! Now watch, this raptor dance team, (they’re not as rough as they seem) Safely behind this fence (we spared no expense!) Yes it's true they're dinosaurs And soon they too will be on tours Folks’ll flip their lids! RAPTORS Eating all the kids! HAMMOND (spoken) No! No! Uh... Ignore scorn and superstition, From that corny chaotician, Who forbids... RAPTORS Eating all the kids! HAMMOND (spoken) What, no, no! Compared to us, the best theme park is crummy. C'mon this is your chance, don't be a dummy. RAPTORS Kids are yummy! HAMMOND Ingen's new developments Must mean that you can see the sense; This park’s the best! RAPTORS Wanna eat a guest! HAMMOND Jurassic Park will be my greatest venture! And every visit will be an adventure! (Barring censure.) So you see the park is waiting, There can be no hesitating, have a ball! RAPTORS Wanna eat you all!
4.
GUIDE Let me show you the park, Arms and hands keep inside, please, As we go for our ride these critters Might just want a bite. If you'll look just ahead, You'll see we've got a big door, You will love what is in store If you'll just look to your right, Jurassic Park! A place that time has left behind. It's an amazing show, where e'er you go, At least until the screaming (GRANT: What?­) Jurassic Park! So many dinosaurs to see, Though you don’t see them there, They’re here somewhere Jurassic Park is where you want to be! (KIDS: Jurassic Park is where we want to be!) Dilophosaurus is next, When these creatures hunt their prey Acid spit is what they spray Into badly blinded eyes! (GENNARO: Acid sprayed in your eyes?!) Jurassic Park! So many wond’rous things to see! (MALCOLM: Not so much on this tour.) Dinosaurs big and small You’ll see them all. It’s so much more than you’ll find at Disney! KIDS Jurassic Park! (ELLIE: Look! Triceratops, guys.) GUIDE So many wondr’ous things to do! (MALCOLM: And now sud’nly we’re fewer.) Memories to create; Photos are great! And check out the Park’s great giftshop too. Jurassic Park! (KIDS: Jurassic Park!) You’ve heard the song! (KIDS: We’ve heard the song!) So have some fun! (KIDS: Until we’re done.) And things go... wrong.
5.
Feed Me 04:20
T-REX Feed me! LEX What happened to the goat?! T-REX Feed me! GENNARO Maybe that’s the power trying to come back on? T-REX Feed me! GENNARO Oh, Jesus, Jesus! T-REX Feed me people Feed me all night long Like right now! You can do it Feed me people Feed me all night long [laugh] 'Cause if you feed me people I can grow up big and strong GENNARO (Spoken) My parents wanted me to be an orthodontist! How have my choices led me here?! LEX (Spoken) He left us. He left us alone! Dr. Grant! He left us! He left us! He left us! T-REX: Would I like a chaotician Or a couple of children? It’s not really a competition I’m gonna get it How'd ya like to be an hors d’ouerve? Open that car and dinner is served It’s time that I have what I deserve I’m gonna get it I've been waiting I've been bored I've been eating goats Now’s my chance, we’ll feed me and You know I wanna hunt The kind of... let’s be blunt The kinda food that I want down my throat Come on, people Come on outside I’ve been jonesing, don’t you try to leave me denied You can’t escape me, I’ve gotta confide That I’ll get it GENNARO Oh no, oh no I have so, so many strong reservations The investors will withdraw their donations! T-REX (Spoken) You didn't know nothin' till you met me. Come on, folks, you think you’ll flee? Chaos? Kids? Paleontology? How 'bout that lawyer? Think it over... Just tell me where he went, real quiet like, and get me some lunch! They’ve set you up to be the fall guy Now get ready, time for goodbye! People might say that it’s your purpose to fry I’m gonna get it GRANT Kids, their eyesight’s based on movement Research about skull structure proved it Keepin’ really still would be an improvement TREX Oh, I’ll get it If you want to be profound If you really gotta justify Take a breath and look around I’d say lawyers deserve to die GENNARO (spoken) Wait a minute, wait a minute. That’s not a very nice thing to say! TREX (spoken) But it’s true, isn’t it? GENNARO (spoken) No! I’m a nice guy! TREX (spoken) Mmmm, too bad. Every other character serves the plot in some way. MALCOLM (spoken) Hey! HEY! Look over here! Look at me! I’m delicious! GRANT (spoken) Ian! DON’T MOVE!! TREX/MALCOLM If you wanna rationale It isn’t very hard to see S​top and think it over, pal TREX The guy sure looks like Rex food to me MALCOLM The guy sure looks like Rex food to me TREX/MALCOLM The guy sure looks like Rex food to me MALCOM My meat’s tasty eatin’, not tough TREX Try just to relax and then it won’t be so rough MALCOLM You need blood and I’ve got more than enough TREX I need blood and you’ve got more than enough TREX/MALCOLM You/I need blood and you’ve/I’ve got more than enough! TREX Now I’ll get it!
6.
Five hundred twenty five million years ago­oh Five hundred twenty five million years in the past Five hundred twenty five million years ago­oh How did dinosaurs evolve at last? Mo­le­cules, made compounds That started, proliferating Then crawling, breathing, evolving, for sure That’s five hundred twenty five million years ago­oh How do we measure, what dinosaurs were? How about bones? How about bones? How about bones? Measure in bones Study their bones (bones) Studying bones (bones) Five hundred twenty five thousand minutes on camera Five hundred twenty five million dollars to make Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred sequels How do you measure the scope of a box office take? The fans on their knees And Chris Pratt in his prime More dino movies than the Land Before Time It's time now, for act two ‘Cause everyone’s waiting Let's celebrate Jurassic World two in 2018 Remember the bones (Oh, you got to, you got to remember the bones) Remember the bones (You know that bones are the way to dino clones) Remember the bones (Find bones, dig bones, make clones) Measure in bones (Measure, measure science in bones) Studying bones Study their bones (Measure their life, measure their life with bones)
7.
Toxic Goo 03:59
NEDRY: (Spoken) Oh god. This rain. Too wet. Can't see... Not good. My car! What's that... Can't be... DILOPHOSAUR 1 Look at us ­- four feet tall Don't look like raptors at all Let us close ­- we're so tame If you don't recall our name... Listen up. Listen up. DILOPHOSAUR 2 Here’s the thing ­- dilophosaurus. That's the name you folks use for us. Carnivores, we spit to stun our prey So they're blind and paralyzed and can't just run away... DILOPHOSAUR 3 You're in a pickle ­- you've crashed your fancy car You've lost your glasses, and you don't know where you are But we're so friendly, we couldn't be a threat You haven't seen a thing to make you dread us yet... ALL DILOPHOSAURS Pouring rain ­- acid spit. Sorry, Dennis - you're in deep shit. You can't see us, but we're up above; Gifting you our toxic love DILOPHOSAUR 2 Y'see now, Nedry, it's good that you were hasty Behind these fences, the humans look so tasty. DILOPHOSAUR 3 We're quite delighted, bud, that you aren't any thinner This way there's lots of you to pass around for dinner! DILOPHOSAUR 1 Hit him one time, girls... Oooh, hit him twice. Watch him scream...mmmm.. That's rather nice. ALL DILOPHOSAURS Blinded by our toxic goo Now the curtain falls for you Serves you right, 'cause, after dark We're what rules Jurassic Park.
8.
These Two 02:00
GRANT How did I get in this situation? How, at this place, did I arrive? What precisely was my motivation? KIDS You kept us all alive! GRANT Okay. So now that we’re all here. It’s coming very clear, this I fear. Seems like I might be Up a da­rn tree. Stuck with those two. Just what I dread on An excursion ­ Stuck with those two. Just like before, hard to ignore 'em, ‘cause they seem to like me. Ellie says it’s good, but I don’t think I should Have children to deal with, Share a meal with, But, there’s these two. Running a daycare, In a nightmare Stuck with these two. So see? We three, In the worst place we could be for, Paleontology, and stuck with these two too! KIDS Gee, Dr. Grant, we Sure are happy! GRANT Stuck with these two! KIDS: Someone to guide us, Calm and hide us. GRANT Stuck with these two. I’m not your Dad ­ Still, you’re not bad kids, Compared to some others. Children are a curse... But still, things could be worse, So, let’s be on our way ­ Hope the fence stays off Or we'll be toast! (KIDS: What?) GRANT Kidding! Out of the forest, Then we’ll head west Back to the coast. Could be , We’ll see, I’m thinking possibly that KIDS We two... GRANT Plus me.. Can get back to safety!
9.
Raptor Chase 02:41
Isla Nublar My heart's devotion Let’s sink it back in the ocean Always the hurricanes blowing The dino population growing Reaping what they’re sowing And electric fences Sharpening our senses I want to snack on some children (I know you do) Time to attack And let’s get them! I like to be in Jurassic Park Fun to be free in Jurassic Park! Humans can’t see in the rain and dark So they fear me in Jurassic Park! Escaping from our cage is so nice You should give up; Take our advice We’ll rule the world with our spliced genes What? Won't you calm down you drama queen? (spoken) Don't you tell me to calm down! Ribbit! (spoken) So embarrassing! (spoken) Oh my God, Janine, what is your damage? We’ll still chase you in Jurassic Park Make you into stew in Jurassic Park You’ll be all chewed in Jurassic Park This is our debut in Jurassic Park Humans are rude when being chased Kitchen doors slamming in our face I think that we could have been friends Now it’s too late to make amends It’s better here in Jurassic Park Be what they fear in Jurassic Park I gave a cheer when the fence went dark To let us run in Jurassic Park We’ll douse you in barbecue sauce (TIM: Here guys, take Lex, she’s no great loss) Drinking Mai Tais out of your heads (LEX: Eat Tim, he’s crunchy and wets beds) RAPTORS Kids on the run in Jurassic Park, Give us some fun in Jurassic Park Cook ‘til well­-done in Jurassic Park Good on a bun in Jurassic Park Look at you humans cower there Only two children, so we’ll share. Time now for you to disappear We’re tired of chasing, now come here
10.
HAMMOND There was a time when science ruled When my doctors were skilled In their DNA splicing There was a time when I was fooled Into seeing no flaw In all that slicing and dicing There was a time... Then it all went wrong. I dreamed a park of epic scale Where I'd have long dead things still living. I thought my dream could never fail Now I just hope the world's forgiving. Then I was rich, and unafraid That my grandchildren would be eaten. There was no price that was not paid No challenge that could stay unbeaten. But the raptors came at night. Clever girls and vicious killers. As they tore my staff apart. I was watching my park die. My lawyer died upon the john. Some levity within this thriller. One quick T­rex *gulp*, then he's gone! And so I bid my dream goodbye! And still I dream this park could be With all the creatures we’ve created (One day more) But there are dreams that cannot be And legal fees we cannot weather I had a dream this park would be A place of wonder and excitement With much less pain and loss of life But this is not the place I dreamed.
11.
It’s after dark, It’s quite a lark, Jurassic Park. Spared no expense. Check out the electric fence! Hear the dinosaurs, hear their song. What could possibly go wrong? They’re female, can’t reproduce, but oh no - now they are loose! All these dinosaurs now they're free, and they’re coming after me. All these dinosaurs, giant dinosaurs And they rule Jurassic Park. All these dinosaurs, big­-ass dinosaurs They come out after dark! So if you do ask me, This proves my chaos theory. All these dinosaurs, big and tall We have to outrun them all. Nature will find a way, but I’d blame Newman any day All these dinosaurs, small and large. It’s now them who are left in charge! All these dinosaurs, giant dinosaurs And they rule Jurassic Park. All these dinosaurs, big­ass dinosaurs They come out after dark! ‘Cause of dinosaurs we are dino­-sore. We are screwed! We are dino food!

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The cast album for Jurassic Parody: The Musical!

Recorded November 7, 2015 at The Warehouse Studio in Vancouver, BC.

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released November 17, 2015

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Geekenders creates geeky theatre and events in Vancouver, BC

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