CAVE
I can deal with this trouble, friends, before that Freeman guy's begun.
Let's be clear - it's not a game; Cave Johnson is my name, and I'm here to sell you my legendary Portal Gun.


Ohhhhh, you got trouble my friends. 
Right here, I say trouble - right here in Black Mesa.

Well, sure I'm a scientist, mighty pleased to say - I say mighty pleased to say it. 
I consider that the hours I spend inside of my lab are golden.

Lets me make up some neat gels, and some faith plates, and lasers!

(Did you ever try to make a test so difficult it'd stump an astronaut?)


But just as it takes knowledge, brains, and intelligence to throw science 'gainst the wall, 
I say that any jerk can take and shove a plug in a socket.
And you call that science? It's the first big step on the road to making some death ray - I say

First it's a little playin' with gravity, then - holes in reality!

And next thing you know
You're buildin' a room to contain
Some science goo.
Pourin' in from some out-world gateway
Thinkin' you'll make it work for you.
These aren't proper science gels, no!
But goo that came from some alien world!
Think you'll keep that screwed-up doorway
Safe for your use? New source of oil?
Well, now, let's see.
What we've got up there on the screen.

You've got one, two, three, four, five, six headcrabs tryin' t' getcha.
Headcrabs that you'll evade
With this amazing gun I've made
With a capital G and that rhymes with P
And that stands for Portals!

All this time your Black Mesa boys've
been workin' away
I say your eggheads've been workin'
Stressin' the fabric of the universe itself -
Not the good way, darnit.
See, soon you'll be caught with the gate wide open
No help in sight, and that's trouble -
Oh yes, you got lots and lots of trouble.
I'm thinkin' of the creatures in the darkeness,
Vicious tall ones, peekin' into our world
and want it for their own, ya got trouble, folks.
Right here in Black Mesa!
Trouble with a capital T, but that rhymes with P
And that stands for Portals!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of scientists.
I'm going to be perfectly frank.
Would you like to know what kind of critters come out
When you open up a tear that big?
You're gonna get headcrabs, gonna get hunters
Gonna get Vortigores like you never seen.
And that's just the tip
Of that awful terrible place over there - and
Then one day, they leave the facility
Headin' to take the world from us!

Shock troopers and hunter drones!
Combine and evil creatures
That'll grab _your_ son and _your_ daughter
And turn them into some weird hybrid -
Mass-steria!
Friends, that gate you've made is the devil's doorway!

Trouble, oh, we got trouble.
Right here in Black Mesa.
With a capital "T" but that rhymes with "G", and that stands for Gun.
We've surely got trouble -
Right here in Black Mesa.
With these portals maybe we won't all be overrun

SCIENTISTS
We've started thinking, thinking with portals, portals, portals, portals, portals...

CAVE
Scientists of Black Mesa!
Heed my warning before it's too late!
This is the very device you need!
The minute you leave your lab,
Do you sense the acrid atmosphere of an alien world?
Is there a zombie shamblin' down the hall?
Paramilitary troops hidden everywhere?
Are you starting to ask yourself: 'How good am I with a crowbar?'
Are certain subjects creeping into conversations?
Stuff like "Combine"?
And "Alien overlords"?

Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in Black Mesa!

With a capital "T", but that rhymes with "C", and that stands for Cave!
You've surely got trouble - right here in Black Mesa.

But from this hell you've wrought, your butts I'll save.
Oh, you've got trouble, yes sir,
But despite your terrible, _terrible_ trouble.
My Portal Gun'll keep you from an early grave.
Oh yes, with these portals, portal, portals
With a "P" - gotta rhyme it with "C" -
And that stands for Cave!