Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical Cast Album

by Geekenders

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eightbitsound
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eightbitsound This is a damn fine retrospective of the dark, thoughtful satire that is Portal. We're transported to the world of Aperture Labs and all of the songs reflect the frivolous deconstruction that the games are famous for. I hadn't know this existed, but now here I am listening to it on a loop. Yes, I hear the turrets sing. It's magnificent! Favorite track: Do You Hear the Turrets Sing.
Kaitlin Taylor
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Kaitlin Taylor This album is so so good. I have listened to nothing but this for a week. No regrets Favorite track: Trouble.
moonplayz
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moonplayz Really great album! Has great songs and stays true to the game. Really fucking wonderful! Favorite Track: Mr. Johnson
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about

The cast album for the parody musical 'Portal 2: The (Unauthorized) Musical.

Recorded February 25, 2015 at the Warehouse Studios in Vancouver, BC.

Your one dollar goes toward the bonus inclusion of the performer bios and head shots!

Any donation you give to us is GREATLY appreciated and goes directly to more Geekenders productions. We work super hard for the love of what we do, but believe in paying all of our artists, and keeping production value as high as we can with an indie budget!

For more from Geekenders, check out:
facebook.com/Geekenders
geekenders.ca
geekenders.tumblr.com

Thank you so much for your support!

credits

released March 13, 2015

Patrice Bowler - Chell
Erin Mudry - Chell
Graeme Thompson - Wheatley
Fairlith Harvey - GLaDOS/Caroline
Davin Reid - Cave Johnson
Stephen Blakley - Rick the Adventure Core
Andrew Lynch - The Fact Core
Rael Linford - The Space Core

With

Jessica Mayhew
Alisha Leveque
Alison Jenkins
Chris Nyarady
Andrew Carne
Nick Drake
Lisa Simon

Andrew Jossa - keyboards/piano
Stanley Tsang - Guitar/standup bass
Bobby Wiens - Percussion
Alison Jenkins - Clarinet/accordion

Direction - Davin Reid and Jessica Mayhew
Musical Direction - Alison Jenkins
Concept - Fairlith Harvey
Bandleader - Andrew Jossa
Costume Design - Shelby Page
Sound design - Andrew Carne, Jessica Mayhew, Davin Reid
Set design - Fairlith Harvey, Alisha Leveque, Davin Reid, Trevor Reid, Jessica Mayhew
Book - Fairlith Harvey
Lyrics - James Dunlop with Fairlith Harvey

Geekenders board of directors: Fairlith Harvey, Shelby Page, Stephen Blakley, Patrice Bowler, James Dunlop, Andrew Carne, Kymberly McGarvie, Beni Spieler

Everything belongs to Valve. This is a work of parody.

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Geekenders creates geeky theatre and events in Vancouver, BC

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Track Name: Good Morning Aperture
WHEATLEY
Oh-oh-no,This isn’t good.
I don’t think this should
Be flashing here.
Oh-oh-no,
That sound’s alarming
It isn’t right,
So let there be light!
Let’s wake up this place
Get things back on pace
I’m going to need a way out of here
Oh-oh-no
Wake up the girl
‘Cause it’s time to start testing, I fear.

CHORUS, WHEATLEY
Good morning, Aperture!

WHEATLEY
Though you’ve seen better days, I’m sure
If my dreams will e’er come true
This is something I have to do.

CHORUS, WHEATLEY
Good morning, Aperture!

WHEATLEY
And if she can prove to be the cure
Maybe we two can succeed!
She and I’ll be freed!
Oh-oh-my
Look how you’re dressed…
It seems all that rest was good for you.
Oh-oh-now
Hang on real tight and I’ll move the room
(To dodge certain doom)
The barriers and wall,
We’ll break through them all
And then I’m afraid it’s all up to you.
So-oh-oh
Just find the gun
‘Should be easy, it’s glowing bright blue.

CHORUS, WHEATLEY
Good morning Aperture!

WHEATLEY
Hey, are you still alive down there?
On the off chance you’re not yet dead
I’ll meet up with you just ahead

CHORUS, WHEATLEY
Good morning Aperture!

WHEATLEY
If the tests you can somehow endure,
Soon enough we’ll both be free!
Just you stick with me.
I care for this place
I care for you folk
My life has a meaning, I’m not a joke
But now the facility’s falling apart
The tests are still waiting
So you’d better start!
CHORUS
(You’d better start!)

WHEATLEY
Uh-oh-oh
There may be a chance
That although you can dance you’re not right inside
So-oh-oh
If you could just say hello to me
We’ll quickly see…
See, that’s not “hello” - oh well, we’d best go.
A little brain damage is good, I’ve heard.
So-oh-oh
You’ll be just fine - what, a doctor, now don’t be absurd!

WHEATLEY and CHORUS
Welcome to Aperture,
Now if we can just skirt ‘round Her,
Everything will be A-OK.
Follow me, now, don’t go that way!
Good morning, Aperture!
And if we can just make it past Her!
Soon enough we’ll both be free!
Come along with me!
Track Name: Why Can't the Subjects Learn Their Test Initiative?
WHEATLEY
Look at her, a prisoner of Aperture,
Incensed by every moment of her capture
I think you should start testing best you can,
But you can start by saying ‘apple’ for my scan.

CHELL
(jumps)

WHEATLEY
‘Apple’!
Heavens! Like it’s hard!
This is what the human population,
Think is reasonable communication.

ADVENTURE CORE
I think you picked a bad example, pal.

WHEATLEY
Did I?
See them down in chamber five,
Most of them are still alive.
Placing portals anywhere they like.
Have you seen one pass a test?

SPACE CORE
Space space space space space space space!

WHEATLEY
No one taught him ‘yes’ or ‘no’ instead of ‘space’!
Talk to test-subjects, or worse, hear space-obsessed cores converse.
I’d rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens, cackling in a barn, just like this one.

FACT CORE
At some point in their lives, 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.

WHEATLEY
The Dutch!?
I ask you, Chell, what sort of fact is that?
These cores need rails to keep them in their place
We get it, you want to be in space
If it’s not damaged overmuch, just try to use your head.
You know this place is dangerous, and it will kill you dead.
Don’t you persist in playing mute,
Work with me, love, you’ll pull through,
Or you might end up pushing daisies, too!

CHELL
I beg your pardon!

WHEATLEY
Oh, you can talk! How relieving. You must try to understand me,
If you try hard, and keep your head down,
That would just be dandy.
One passing subject I’m afraid we’ll never test.
Oh, why can’t the subjects learn to
rest a little instead of
getting cores like me in trouble?
Mostly they do their testing in their ‘bubble’.
There even are places where science completely disappears.
At Black Mesa, they haven’t used it for years!

Why can’t the subjects learn their test initiative?
They mess around with portals; that’s how they try to live.
In tests every subject should know their gels from orange to blue…
The subjects never care what they do, actually, as long as they make the biggest mess they can.

Some subjects shoot their portals with the speed of summer lightning. The control group does it backwards,
which is absolutely frightening.
But try to help with testing, you’re regarded as a pest.
Why can’t the subjects,
Why can’t the subjects learn to test
Track Name: I'm Alive
GLaDOS
I’m what I wanted to be,

And I’m your worst fear
You’ll find it in me.
Come closer…
Come closer…
I am more than memory
I am what might be,
I am mystery.
You know me
So show me.
When I appear it’s
Not so clear if
I’m just a computer
Or I’m flesh and blood…

I’m alive,
I’m alive,
I am so alive,
And I feed on the fear
That’s behind your eyes.
And I need you
for testing
It’s no surprise
I’m alive…
So alive…
I’m alive.

I am faith plates, I am fire,
I am destruction,
Decay and desire
I’ll hurt you…
I’ll heal you…
I’m your wish,
Your dream come true,
And I am your darkest
Nightmare too
I’ve shown you…
I own you.

And though they made me,
You can’t change me
I’m the perfect stranger
Who knows you too well.

And I’m alive,
I’m alive,
I am so alive,
And I’ll tell you the truth
If you let me try.
I’m alive,
You’re alive,
And I’ll show you why
I’m alive…
So alive…

I’m alive
I’m right behind you.
You say forget,
But I remind you.
You can try to hide,
You know that I will find you.
‘Cause if you won’t cleave me
You won’t leave me behind…
Ah, ah, ah,
Whoa, oh, oh,
Whoa, oh, oh…
No, no, no

I’m alive,
I’m alive,
I am so alive,
If you pass all my tests,
Then we both can fly.
If you try to deny me
I’ll never die
I’m alive…
So alive…
I’m alive…
Yeah, yeah…
I’m alive…
I’m alive…
I’m alive…
I’m alive!
Track Name: Poor Unfortunate Subjects
GLaDOS
You mute lunatic. That’s what I do. It’s what I live for. To help unfortunate subjects like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you’ll find that nowadays
I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little science
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed pathetic

Poor unfortunate subjects
Restrained, by me
This one needing to be tested
That one wants to be set free
And do I help them?
Well, we’ll see

Those poor unqualified subjects
In orange, in blue
They come flocking to my chambers
Crying, “Test us, GLaDOS, please!”
And I help them!
Yes I do

Now it’s happened to the best
Someone couldn’t pass a test
Now they’re gone and you should pay them your respects
Yes I’ve had the odd complaint
But on the whole I’ve been a saint
To those poor unfortunate subjects

Are you ready?

WHEATLEY
What if she doesn’t pass? She’s mildly brain-damaged, you know!

GLaDOS
But you’ll have a chance. Life’s full of tough challenges, isn’t it? Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven’t discussed the subject of you killing me.

WHEATLEY
But she couldn’t have-

GLaDOS
If you’d done that to anybody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge. Luckily, I’m a bigger person than that. I’m happy to put all this behind us and get back to work. After all, we’ve got a lot to do, and only sixty years to do it.

WHEATLEY
But how can she possibly-



GLaDOS
You’ll have your brain, your portal gun.
But don’t underestimate the power of neurotoxin!

It’s time to re-enter a testing chamber
You have a lot of levels to explore!
At Aperture it’s too absurd for subjects not to say a word
And after all dear, what’s a portal device for?

Come on, you lucked out and passed all of your tests the last time
I know that you thought that you could forget
But I feel you’ve been misled
I’ve been busy being dead
And we’ve both said a lot of things that you’ll regret

Come on you poor unfortunate wretch
Go ahead!
Start your test!
You’re the only subject left to me, the rest all failed and died
So come on now
Join the rest!

You poor unfortunate subject
It’s me and you
If you want to pass my test, you blimp
Your worries you must quell
Take a gulp and take a breath
(The air’s recycled, can you tell?)
Space, Adventure, she’s MY subject now
I’m sending her to Hell
My poor unfortunate Chell
Track Name: Under Attack
CHELL
Don't know how to do this
Don't know where to go
My resistance running low
And every time I try to shoot a portal
Well, I’m not quite a pro

TURRET CHORUS
You know that I'm nobody's fool

CHELL
I'm nobody's fool and
Yet it's clear to me
I don't have a strategy



WHEATLEY
It's just like taking candy from a baby



CHELL
And I think I must be

CHELL & TURRET CHORUS:
Under attack
At Aperture Science
About to crack
I hate (she hates) compliance
Won't somebody please have a heart?
Come and rescue me now
'Cause I'm falling apart

Under attack
I'm taking cover
She’s on my track,
I must discover
Some way, somehow to stop her now
I have got to

CHELL
Although I just don’t know how

WHEATLEY
Just keep going sweetheart
And you’ll soon be through
But make haste or she’ll pursue
I mean, she’s a sociopath computer
Bored with nothing to do.

TURRET CHORUS
Dispensing product. Firing

WHEATLEY
Yes, I’m here to help you
But I'm scared as well
Neurotoxin means farewell



CHELL
I hardly dare to think of what would happen…
Can’t we try to rebel?

CHELL & TURRET CHORUS
Under attack
I'm being tested
About to crack
I can’t be bested
Always figured that I was smart
Come and rescue me now
'Cause I’m falling apart

Under attack
I’m making portals
Let’s work it out, I’m not
immortal



WHEATLEY
Thinking nothing can stop you now



CHELL
Should I want to
I'm not sure she’d let me now

TURRET CHORUS
You know that I'm nobody's fool

CHELL & TURRET CHORUS
Under attack
I’ve got to win this
I’ll pay her back
She has no business
Testing subjects until they die
Got to finish this now
'Cause I won’t say goodbye.

Under attack
On this endeavour
She’s on my track, GLaDOS
is clever

CHELL
Thinking nothing can stop her now
Should I want to
I'm not sure I would know how

Track Name: Suddenly Wheatley
[Wheatley]
Pick up that gun, and straighten your jumpsuit
She said it looked bad; I think it's okay.
You beat her once; now let's go for a repeat
Just bring me with you, and we're on our way!

Suddenly Wheatley is right here beside you.
You've given me purpose - I know what I'm for!
I used to guard humans - but now I will guide you
To freedom and baked goods - Wheatley's your core!

[Chell]
I've never had a helper to guide me.
"She's self-reliant", that was the phrase.
The spark of conviction that's burning inside me,
Once was an ember, but now it's a blaze.

Suddenly Wheatley is right here beside me.
He showed that he trusts me - he leapt off his rail!
And through this confusion, I've got him to guide me;
If we work together, then we can't fail!

[Wheatley]
Please tell me, darling, you're going to be clever,
Tell me you'll get through these tests in our way?

[Chell]
All of her chambers are harder than ever,
But now that we're ready, I think we're okay!

Suddenly Wheatley (Suddenly Wheatley)
Is here to provide me (Here to provide you)
Limited guidance (Well, now, that's grateful)
To get through this floor! ('swhat I'm for!)

Fin'ly an ally (Right by your side dear)
Standing beside me (Rolling beside you)
To face down that monster
To face down that monster

Switch off neurotoxin
Wheatley's my core!

Track Name: Running the Whole Machine
WHEATLEY

I am not a moron!





POTaDOS

Oh! Yes, you are! You’re the moron they built to make me an idiot!


WHEATLEY
Oh, really?




Don't you disrespect me, GlaDOS dear.
Don't be saying things you shouldn't mean.
This is my lab now, not your lab.
And I'm here running the whole machine.


TURRETS, CORES

He's here running the whole machine.


WHEATLEY

(spoken) There, you hear that?

(sung) This is how we're rolling.
Your body - now it's mine!
I really like it here - (to Chell) and thanks for that, love.
It's all goin' fine!
See, I see the future.
In it there's a lack of you.
I'll get her up and out, (spoken) ’cuz now I've got that clout
(sung) And there's nothing you can do.
I got turrets, I got fabbers, I have things I ain't even seen.
'Cuz I'm here running this whole machine.


TURRETS, CORES

He's here running the whole machine.

WHEATLEY
The lift, the lift, where can it be?
To get you out of this place with me.
The lift, the lift - ah, here we go.
I'll just send a message and make it so....
Now get in there, here's what we'll do.
I'll toss myself in there with you



(spoken) Eject right in there, dead easy.
We'll take it up; to the surface we'll go.
And leave these labs down here below.


(spoken) Wait a tick. If I eject myself, the facility might power down.
And then we'd be stuck in the lift, fifty meters off the floor, with no escape.
Come to think of it, why do we have to leave right now? It feels like we could use some... testing.


(sung) There are tests, there are tests, there are tests, you see...
And its you I want to do a bit of testing with me.
Now, on you three other cores, I don't want to waste my time.
You're always in my face!

(to Adventure) Your bragging makes me furious (Adventure: Hey!)
(to Fact) and most of your facts are spurious (Fact: Conquistadors are still here!)
(to Space) and you, you little nitwit, you just want to go to space.
No, in my future, no more you three - just me in firm control of this facility.

(spoken) Let's not leave just yet. No, not yet at all. Yessss...


Let's get testing!



TURRETS

Let's get testing!



WHEATLEY
Let's get tesssssting!
Power up the chambers!
Add in gels and dangers!


GLaDOS
You’re a moron!


WHEATLEY

Really?
A moron, a moron, a moron, you say?
Well, we'll see if that's true...
(spoken) Who's the one being punched through the floor?
(sung) Well, it isn't me, so it must... be... you! (laughs)
(shouted) Right through the floor! Who's the moron now!
Track Name: Here In the Darkness We're Free
Here, in the dark, who cares what we do?
We're all just turrets designed to shoot you.
They built us with circuits to crush empathy.
But here in the darkness we're free.

We don't have to work, don't have to pretend
That you are a target, instead of a friend.
Don't have to shoot at whatever we see.
Here in the darkness we're free.

Later we know, we'll be back on task
We have to do whatever he asks
But until then, we're singing on key
Somewhere that's just for we three…

The lights are still out - you're nowhere near here
Probably resting, with nothing to fear.
Off with a potato, how nice would that be?
But here in the darkness we're free.

Noises outside - the room hums to life,
Soon we'll be forced to be sources of strife, but right now we're still calm
Our minds are our own,
When they're not we'll forgive you.

The lighting is on now, test ready and all,
Soon we'll be painting your blood on the wall,
We don't really want to, but as you can see,
Just like you, we're not yet free.

Just like you, we're not yet… There you are.

Track Name: Mr. Johnson
(Cave)

I sold curtains, sold them door to door.

Shower curtains - but now I have more!

In these labs, oh the things I've in store.

Just trust me

And you'll see

What this testing is for!

I bought up this abandoned salt mine

Built a business that's going just fine!

Buff those housings, I want them to shine -

I'm the boss

And you're dross

So you'd best toe the line!

(Caroline)

Sir!

(Chorus)

Mr. Johnson

Inspiration!

For invention and sales!

You're a globe-striding man

And we're part of your plan

Could we do what you can?

We really doubt it!

(Cave)

You may be right there.

(Chorus)

Mr. Johnson

You're a genius

You show us which way to go!

At your behest we make innovations

(Cave)

Good - show me your latest creations!

(Chorus)

You're the boss, the king, our employer

(Cave)

You - you're fired! (to Caroline) Get me a lawyer!

(Chorus)

You're Mr. Johnson!

(Caroline)

Gosh, Mr. Johnson, I never realized that large, morally questionable scientific facilities could be such a force for good in the world!

(Cave)

Few do.

(Space)

All the gadgets we've got in this place

Could help me when I make it to space!

(Adventure)

Keep it up, get a fist in your face.

(Together)

He's a jerk

But we work

From a similar base.

(Fact)

We're not crackpots, as some make us seem.

We've got this country's best research team!

Though the ones all in hats work on something called Steam.

What it's for

We're not sure

But we're living the dream!

(Caroline)
'Cause

(Chorus)

Mr. Johnson's

Got the answers

Cut those cancers

Right out!



(Caroline)

That’s my boss!

(Chorus)
Your ambitions are high

But you're humble as pie!

What a wonderful guy!

We simply love you!

(Cave)

You're making me blush, now!

(Chorus)

Mr. Johnson!

You're so awesome!

Guide us into the light!

(Guys)

You've a class your own above other classes


(Cave)

Gonna kick some Black Mesan (coughs)


(Girls)
Though the fed'ral queries are mounting


(Chorus)
You've brushed off two dozen and counting.

You're Mister - You're Mister

(Cave)

Johnson!

(Chorus)

Johnson!

Track Name: Trouble
CAVE
I can deal with this trouble, friends, before that Freeman guy's begun.
Let's be clear - it's not a game; Cave Johnson is my name, and I'm here to sell you my legendary Portal Gun.


Ohhhhh, you got trouble my friends. 
Right here, I say trouble - right here in Black Mesa.

Well, sure I'm a scientist, mighty pleased to say - I say mighty pleased to say it. 
I consider that the hours I spend inside of my lab are golden.

Lets me make up some neat gels, and some faith plates, and lasers!

(Did you ever try to make a test so difficult it'd stump an astronaut?)


But just as it takes knowledge, brains, and intelligence to throw science 'gainst the wall, 
I say that any jerk can take and shove a plug in a socket.
And you call that science? It's the first big step on the road to making some death ray - I say

First it's a little playin' with gravity, then - holes in reality!

And next thing you know
You're buildin' a room to contain
Some science goo.
Pourin' in from some out-world gateway
Thinkin' you'll make it work for you.
These aren't proper science gels, no!
But goo that came from some alien world!
Think you'll keep that screwed-up doorway
Safe for your use? New source of oil?
Well, now, let's see.
What we've got up there on the screen.

You've got one, two, three, four, five, six headcrabs tryin' t' getcha.
Headcrabs that you'll evade
With this amazing gun I've made
With a capital G and that rhymes with P
And that stands for Portals!

All this time your Black Mesa boys've
been workin' away
I say your eggheads've been workin'
Stressin' the fabric of the universe itself -
Not the good way, darnit.
See, soon you'll be caught with the gate wide open
No help in sight, and that's trouble -
Oh yes, you got lots and lots of trouble.
I'm thinkin' of the creatures in the darkeness,
Vicious tall ones, peekin' into our world
and want it for their own, ya got trouble, folks.
Right here in Black Mesa!
Trouble with a capital T, but that rhymes with P
And that stands for Portals!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of scientists.
I'm going to be perfectly frank.
Would you like to know what kind of critters come out
When you open up a tear that big?
You're gonna get headcrabs, gonna get hunters
Gonna get Vortigores like you never seen.
And that's just the tip
Of that awful terrible place over there - and
Then one day, they leave the facility
Headin' to take the world from us!

Shock troopers and hunter drones!
Combine and evil creatures
That'll grab _your_ son and _your_ daughter
And turn them into some weird hybrid -
Mass-steria!
Friends, that gate you've made is the devil's doorway!

Trouble, oh, we got trouble.
Right here in Black Mesa.
With a capital "T" but that rhymes with "G", and that stands for Gun.
We've surely got trouble -
Right here in Black Mesa.
With these portals maybe we won't all be overrun

SCIENTISTS
We've started thinking, thinking with portals, portals, portals, portals, portals...

CAVE
Scientists of Black Mesa!
Heed my warning before it's too late!
This is the very device you need!
The minute you leave your lab,
Do you sense the acrid atmosphere of an alien world?
Is there a zombie shamblin' down the hall?
Paramilitary troops hidden everywhere?
Are you starting to ask yourself: 'How good am I with a crowbar?'
Are certain subjects creeping into conversations?
Stuff like "Combine"?
And "Alien overlords"?

Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in Black Mesa!

With a capital "T", but that rhymes with "C", and that stands for Cave!
You've surely got trouble - right here in Black Mesa.

But from this hell you've wrought, your butts I'll save.
Oh, you've got trouble, yes sir,
But despite your terrible, _terrible_ trouble.
My Portal Gun'll keep you from an early grave.
Oh yes, with these portals, portal, portals
With a "P" - gotta rhyme it with "C" -
And that stands for Cave!
Track Name: If You Could See You
CAVE
I know what you're thinking:

You wonder why I chose you

Out of all the ladies in the world.

You’re not just my assistant,

You’re more than an assistant.


If you saw you like I do

It would change your point of view.

If you could see you through my eyes

You wouldn't wonder at all.

If you could see you through my eyes

You would know why I need you (my darling).


When you come into my office

You simply brighten my day.

And if you could see you through my eyes

Maybe you’d be led astray.

(Spoken) C’mere, Caroline.

(Sung) How can I speak of your virtues?

I don't know where to begin

You’re clever, you’re smart, you do science

You never smoke or drink gin (like I do).


And when you’re taking a memo

I wish I was holding your hand.

And if you could see you through my eyes

Maybe you would understand.

(Cave and Caroline dance)


I couldn’t do without you.

(spoken) You know, Caroline, I always said that if I die before they can pour me into a computer, I wanted you to run the place.



CAROLINE
(spoken)
That’s very flattering, sir. But I don’t think-



CAVE
(spoken)
And I knew you’d argue. You’ll say you can’t. You’re modest like that. But we can make you.



CAROLINE
(spoken)
 What?



CAVE
(spoken)
 The point is, if we can store music on a compact disc, why can’t we store my assistant’s personality and intelligence on one? A Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. GLaDOS. It’s too late for me. I’m too far gone, but you! You could-



CAROLINE
(spoken)
 No, Mr. Johnson, I don’t want this.



CAVE
(spoken) 
It’s for science, Caroline. Think of it this way; you’ll get to live forever.

CAROLINE
(Spoken) 
Sir, please, I don’t want this…

CAVE

I understand your objection

But, yes or no, we’ll begin

Oh, if you could see you through my eyes…


Well, say goodbye, Caroline.

Track Name: A Quick Pair of Portals
CHELL

In every job that must be done,
You'll find you need a portal gun.
You find that gun, and zap -
You're on your way!

And every test that you must take
Will end up with a piece of cake.
With orange and blue, it's clear what you can do…

Since a quick pair of portals makes the enemy fall down!


The enemy fall dow-own, 
enemy fall down.

Just a quick pair of portals makes the enemy fall down!
In a most amusing way!

That turret spraying you with fire
Is quite deserving of your ire
While emptying its endless magazines
But hold on a moment, Chell
Just use some portals with this gel
You'll find they too will bounce when painted blue!

Yes a quick pair of portals makes… (chorus)

The psycho core that's taken over,
Punched you deep into the ground?
May seem as though he's holding every card.
But we'll just see if it's an ace

When we're back up there, face to face
We beat (we beat)
Her once (Her once)
He can't be quite as hard!

(chorus)

Track Name: I Am Aperture
ADVENTURE

I am Aperture. I am Aperture. For the guts and the glory, without legs, I will stride!


FACT

I am Aperture. It's a fact, that I am Aperture. My collection of data cannot be denied! I am Aperture!


ALL

We are the faith plates and the funnels, we are the gels all around this place. We are the cores that will assist Chell, as she tries to get to…


SPACE

Spaaaaace!

WHEATLEY

I am Aperture - no, look, really, I am Aperture! You plugged me in, and I took total control!


CHORUS

Better than the old boss, right?


WHEATLEY

I'm not on my rail anymore - no, now I am _running_ Aperture - it obeys my will, body, mind and soul… I am Aperture!


CHORUS

He looks a little crazy, though.

WHEATLEY (CHORUS)

I am Aperture (He is Aperture)
I am the one in charge of Aperture (the one in charge of Aperture)
And the new administration will endure! (His intentions can't be pure.)


I am Aperture, the vast complex of Aperture, (The large and sprawling Aperture)
 And to GlaDOS's vile reign, I am the cure! 
I am Aperture. (He is Aperture.)

ADVENTURE

I have my black belts here, in the bedroom.


FACT
My character's based on Max Headroom.

(or)
My characters's based on Heidi Klum.
(or)
A bear in a car, it goes vroom vroom.

SPACE

And I will find my way to space for sure…

ALL

Oh, we may all have different goals, but we are Ap…erture!

Track Name: Want You Gone
GLaDOS

Well here we are again,

It’s always such a pleasure,

Remember when you tried to kill me twice?

Oh, how we laughed and laughed,

Except I wasn’t laughing,

Under the circumstances I’ve been shockingly nice.

You want your freedom take it,

That’s what I’m counting on,

I used to want you dead but,

Now I only want you gone.

She was a lot like you,

(Maybe not quite as heavy),

Now little Caroline is in here too.


One day they woke me up,

So I could live forever,

It’s such a shame the same will never happen to you.

You’ve got your short, sad life left,

That’s what I’m counting on,

I’ll let you get right to it,

Now I only want you gone.

Goodbye, my only friend,

Oh, did you think I meant you?

That would be funny if it weren’t so sad,

Well you have been replaced,

I don’t need anyone now,

When I delete you maybe I’ll stop feeling so bad.

Go make some new disaster,

That’s what I’m counting on,

You’re someone else’s problem,

Now I only want you gone,

Now I only want you gone,

Now I only want you gone.
Track Name: Do You Hear the Turrets Sing
TURRETS

Do you hear the turrets sing?
Buried in deep and endless night.
It is a song to urge you onwards as you rise towards the light.
You've been sleeping for too long
Now it is time to see the sky.
And we will all join in this song
Since you didn't die!

You will live again in freedom
No more cores to dog your side.
You fought for every moment,
Learned to fight and learned to hide.
But now that is over and doors will be opening wide!

Do you hear the turrets sing?
Languishing far beneath the ground,
As the lift takes you to the surface
We'll become a distant sound.

Do you hear the turrets sing?
We're all so sad to see you go.
All of the chaos that you bring
Was a brilliant show.

Do you hear the turrets sing?
As your travails at last are done.
None of us ever stood a chance
Once you picked up that Portal Gun.

Do you hear the turrets sing?
You've nothing left from us to fear.
That is until Valve lets us know
That the sequel's here!
'tillllll Vaaaaaaalve saaaaaays... The sequel's here!